


in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour

by saveferrris (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M, i don't know if they have david bowie in 2261 or whenever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/saveferrris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The musings of the Starship Enterprise crew while they float through space for five years. </p><p>("Five years in space? Dammit Jim I'm a doctor, not an astronaut!"</p><p>"C'mon Bones, it'll be <em>fun</em>.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour

Jim is fucked. Not in the way he'd like to be fucked, tied loosely to his bed, slick with sweat and panting into the mouth of a certain Vulcan who also happens to be balls deep in him, oh no. Jim's fucked in the sense that he's currently chained to a dirty wall on some Klingon prison planet and is awaiting certain death. 

But hey, it could be worse. 

He can barely even remember how he got there, all he remembers is the ship going into red alert and then being hailed by a very, very angry looking Klingon commander/lieutenant/captain/whatever who proceeded to shout at him and beam him onto his ship without warning. All in a days work, really. 

They hadn't even been doing anything wrong. Yes, protocol states that no Starfleet Vessel should use any form of weapon in the neutral zone and yes, maybe they should have further evaluated the, now obviously false, transmission from a distressed Ferengi ship who instructed to open fire at the "Romulan battle fleet" that awaited them, but other than almost starting a war between Starfleet and the entire Klingon race they hadn't _really_ done anything wrong...

On the bright side, there was no war to worry about anymore. An eye for an eye, Jim Kirk's head on a silver plate in exchange for peace among men. The sentiment could maybe be considered nice if it didn't have that whole _cease-to-exist_ vibe. 

"I'm really going to miss them" he whispers into the blackness of the cell, because all of a sudden it's so _real_ and he feels so alone and destitute of hope. He's going to die here. Of course, no one replies. "All of them" he whispers again, this time his voice cracks on the first syllable and a hot tear rolls down his cheek onto the sawdust below him. Jim hates crying. He never used to cry before fucking Pike saved his ass and made him join this stupid organization. Fucking Pike. 

But really, he will miss them. He'll miss Uhura's sarcasm and wit. He'll miss Chekov's accent (Keptin, I'm wery afraid to announce zat ve just openly fired at a Klingon wessel, sir.). He'll miss Sulu's bravery. He'll miss Scotty. He'll miss Bones, shit. He can't help but weep now. 

Spock. Jim has been in love with Spock for approximately 2 years, 7 months, 16 days and 5 hours. Spock who doesn't fucking feel anything. Spock who can't take a joke ever and thinks that Jim's is being serious when he says he wants to kick the shit out of someone. Spock who has ridiculous hair and pointy ears, for Christ's sake. Everyone knows how Jim feels about him, except obviously Spock. Jim wants to tell him. He wants to tell him and kiss him and keep kissing him until he feels something and then he wants to kiss him forever and never stop. 

If he ever gets out of this God forsaken _pit_ he'll tell him.

*

There's a horrible throbbing on the left side of his head and a searing pain stabbing his lower abdomen. He cries out through thick, shuddering sobs but is drowned out by alarms and shouting and barking. There are colours flashing in front of him and his body feels like it's disintegrating very slowly but also very quickly. Then he goes from very hot to below freezing and he's in someone's arms and he can hear people shouting again, but this time they sound different. He lifts his heavy eyes to get a glimpse of what appears to be Spock, holding him gently and soothing him. Jim thinks that if this is dying, he doesn't know what all the fuss is about. 

*

The funeral is quick and quiet.

Bones and Spock are grey around the eyes from lack of sleep and Uhura _can't stop crying_. The rest of the crew just look empty. 

Pike lays the 'Commemorative Badge of Honor' on the coffin of James T. Kirk and he is lowered into the ground to rest forever. 

The church yard clears out, people shake hands and reminisce over what a brave young soldier Jim was, how he died honourably to save his crew and Earth, much like his father, before returning back to their dull lives where they would eventually forget the courageous man they all claimed to love. 

That's when the giant octopus tears itself from the ground, clutching the coffin in one of its tentacles, and Jim wakes from his eternal slumber soon enough to realise that, not only is he in fact dreaming, but the octopus appears to be singing a compilation of David Bowie songs.

*

When Jim wakes up, he's in the medical bay on the Starship Enterprise.

"What the-" he drawls, but the horrendous pounding in his head shuts him up immediately. The mixture of bright light and strong cleaner smell is too much apparently and Jim moans as he shifts his body weight so his head is over the side of the bed, making it easier for him to expel most of his stomach contents, plus lining, onto the floor.

"He's alive!" Jim shifts back over and squints at Bones who is grinning like a madman. "You know fully well I'm alive you bastard. That's what the heart monitor is for." His voice is hoarse and it hurts like a motherfucker to talk, but there too is a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

"You had us scared, Jim. We thought you were a goner." Bones isn't smiling anymore, his eyebrows are creased towards each other and his mouth is quavering. Jim too feels slightly disheartened. "Well, I'm back! Which is... How, exactly?" 

"Ah, it's easy when you know how" Bones winks. "Scotty scanned for human life, locked on and beamed you back, simple. Do you remember anything that happened?"

Jim remembers rough hands and kicks to the stomach. He remembers the smell and taste of blood. He remembers sharp tools and harsh words. "Uh, no not really?"

"They hurt you pretty bad pal. Tortured you with all kinds of messed up shit. Spock has been trying to appeal to Starfleet Command ever since he came round" Bones chuckles and averts his eyes to the physiostimulator he's gripping so tight his knuckles are blue. 

Jim is confused. "Came round?" He asks, trying his best not to smile just yet. 

"Yeah, when he saw what they were gonna do to you he, fainted, kinda"

He couldn't help but smirk now. "Son of a bitch. Where is he?"

"I assigned him to bed rest" Bones says, turning away from Jim now and heading to the door. "But I'll send him down to see you."

*

_If I get out, I'll tell him._

The words ran through Jim's mind over, and over, and over. 

How though? Spock is so devoid of any understanding sometimes. There wasn't a way to phrase it so he'd get it. 

"Spock, I'm in love with you." No. A little _too_ blunt. 

"Spock, you know that time we went to that cutesy little sunflower planet and that woman, thing, mistook us for partners and I said "Oh no, we're just friends"? Well that was a lie so do you wanna go out for dinner sometime and then screw me until I can't walk?" No. Definitely, no. 

"Spock, I love you and I want to be your mating partner, whadd'ya' say?" That could work. Unless...

"Hey Spock. I'm like, soo into you I spend most of my time thinking about your throbbing, pink-" 

"Captain?"

Shitting fuck balls mother Mary fuck. 

"Oh hey Spock!" Jim tries to laugh but it comes out a little strained. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Only momentarily. It is a pleasure to see that you are well again" Spock says a little flatly. 

"So you didn't hear me talking?" Jim is sweating like a freakin' dog. 

"No sir. It's considered rude to eavesdrop on a conversation that does not involve oneself, whether it be between two people or one... person" 

Thank fuck for that. 

"Great! Good, excellent. It wasn't important anyway just, y'know, stuff" 

Spock nods. 

"So hey anyway, heard you passed out" Jim teases, trying to change the conversation topic without being too obvious. 

"Yes Captain,"

"Jim"

"Sorry, Jim, once I discovered the exact nature of your attack I found it quite displeasing. To think that anyone would do that to you is, most upsetting."

Spock got upset because Klingons were torturing him. Jim could dance into a nebula and would still be happy. 

"Well I appreciate the gesture." Jim murmurs, reaching out to gently touch Spock's arm. 

"Gladly, Captain. As illogical as it sounds, I would turn over hundreds of planets with ease if it meant your safe return to this vessel."

Jim goes into cardiac arrest.

**Author's Note:**

> NEXT UPDATE WILL BE SOMETIME VERY SHORTLY AFTER THE 14TH OF JUNE!   
> I have 4 more exams that I have to study really hard for and then I have 2 months of free time, go figure :)


End file.
